R. Eric Thomas Advises Parents on Handling Estranged Children in Estate Planning

R. Eric Thomas addressed two reader questions in his column published on Nov. 3, 2026, focusing on family estrangement. The responses dealt with a father trying to reconnect with his 14-year-old daughter and a mother deciding how to divide her estate between two adult sons. Thomas, who operates out of Philadelphia, provided guidance on communication and financial planning in these difficult family dynamics.

The first letter came from a father whose daughter moved to Florida with her mother and in-laws after a public fight. The father admitted to using name-calling during the argument, a habit he claimed to have broken before. His 14-year-old daughter has not spoken to him for more than a year and ignores his attempts at contact. The father asked if he could fix himself if he was not allowed to fix the relationship.

Thomas told the reader that acknowledging his role in the marriage dissolution was a healthy sign. He noted that the daughter is currently grappling with issues that are not easily healed. Thomas suggested the father write a specific apology for his actions if he has not already done so. If the daughter remains unresponsive to that apology, Thomas advised the father to give her more time. He explained that space is often part of the repair process and that continuing to work on himself would make him a healthier parent when the daughter is ready to reconnect.

The second letter came from a mother dealing with a repeated pattern of estrangement with her oldest son. The son lived with his parents until age 32 despite efforts to encourage independence. He stopped speaking to them for a year before resuming contact during the pandemic when he needed a place to live. The mother reported that her family has been financially generous to the son since then.

In 2024, the parents hosted and paid for the son's wedding in Italy and provided substantial financial support and gifts to him and his wife. In January 2026, the parents paid for a family trip to Chile. The son attended the trip but behaved badly, after which he stopped speaking to his parents again. The brothers are currently not speaking to each other, largely due to the older son's behavior.

The mother is now establishing her will and trust. She is inclined to leave the entire estate to her younger son. She asked if this decision would make it impossible for the brothers to have a healthy relationship if they eventually reconcile. She wanted to protect her younger son from guilt or resentment over a decision that belongs to the parents.

Thomas responded that the parents cannot protect the younger son from potential resentment because that feeling might exist regardless of the money. He stated that both sons need to be responsible for their own behavior. Thomas suggested the parents think of the sons separately. He noted that the older son's relationship with the parents is fractured and that leaving him nothing is a decision independent of the younger brother. Thomas advised that the older son's resentment is his own responsibility. If the brothers reconcile, the younger son is free to do with the estate what he pleases, including splitting it.